It's strange...

Because sometimes I can happily write nonsense for hours and then other times I think I have nothing decent to say. But I think maybe that's just life. A lot of the time I can sit in a room full of my closest friends or family and talk for hours. Same with new people I have just met. I have a nack for being able to talk to any one literally about anything. And then other times I like to just sit back and observe, take in all I can. When there is a big group and lots of conversations are happening at once, I try to listen to them all at once. Or certain words grab my attention more than others. Why is that? What draws our attention, do we subconsciously have things we are more intrigued about or are we just listening for what sounds most interesting? I really don't know.

Living in China has become normal. I still haven't found anything that drives me mad about the place except two of my classes. There's nothing I'm craving I can't deal with out food wise. This morning we are cooking a big breakfast! The weather has now turned. I would say winter is in fact here! This week has gone from turenchal rain to beautiful blue sky's! It's like being in England apart from the blue sky's bring the sun here. I'm working all hours I can get my hands on at the moment with the idea to travel as much as possible when my holidays start. I'm also toying massively with the idea of traveling afterwards. Like really traveling. The kind where you just travel until your money runs out. It drives me mad there is so much I want to see and the most annoying part is there is actually no reason why I can't do it. I was thinking about my friend yesterday and his increasingly ablity to faff for hours about a simple decision when I realised something about my self. When I want to do something like really want to do it. I don't hesitate I will just do it. If it's move to china I will book my tickets. Go to Thailand I will book tickets. Go shopping I will do it. Cook and so on. When I'm not sure or umm and arrr over something for too long that's when I know really I don't want to do it. Because I'm actually quite impulsive and I do what I want, the majority of the time. I wouldn't say I'm stubborn, I'm very flexible and accommodating and always listen to others ideas because let's be honest we're not always ways right or know best. But if my mind is set it's set. So I think my next thought is I want someone to travel with. I want someone that wants to spend a good portion of time with no actual time restrictions actually pottering around the world and seeing everything there is to see. Because although I feel I definately have become so much more Independant now I am here, I want someone to share it with and I am a big pansy really. The idea of heading to Columbia on my own scares me. Yet is thrilling. What scares me more is going home and not having my fill of the world. I know I wont be happy. And that saddens me for two reasons. I don't want to go home and wish I was somewhere else. I want to go home content with the idea Iv done it. Iv seen everything I want to see. No more I wish I had of or I could be here right now. I want to go home knowing I did this, I did that I had the best time of my life and if I died tomorrow I would die happy knowing I did exactly the thing I wanted to do most. I think traveling makes you grow. It makes you see things in whole new prospective. It makes you grateful for everything you have and opens your eyes to certain things you would never even contemplate back home. The other thing that's daunting is after being away you want to come home and tell everyone you care about how amazing your experiences have been. When you did this and that. And in reality no one gives a shit. No one that hasn't been traveling, actually no that's not true no one that has no interesting in traveling gives a shit. Anyone that does but just hasn't done it, or can't because of commitments is open ears and you can see when they are talking to you that they are living through you. But anyone else ask the odd question and then is bored of the relentless stories. You become annoying. I never quite know if that's because they seriesly don't care or if it's because some people just like to talk about them selves more. But then again that could be flip reversed talking about your adventures could sound like a monologue of "listen to me and all my stories" to someone else. There's no equal footing. Maybe there should be a land for all the travelers out there. A kind of rehab to ease you in to normal life again. You go get all your stories out. For a few weeks you talk about nothing but,  then when your released it's all out your system and your too talked out to ever mention it again? Maybe this is what I'll do. 

Alternatively I went to sleep thinking about some form of charity I could create, but I fell asleep and now I have no idea what the amazing concept was! Bugger