Home sick

Well it only took 103 days for me to become home sick. And it's so silly really because my family is coming so soon. But it was all down to a stupid dream. I dreamt I had gone home early and my friends we're frosty and cold at a Christmas dinner I turned up at to surprise them, not only was they not pleased to see me they all went for a fag break and never came back. The man I was seeing before I left had met someone new what made it worse is she was lovely in my dream. I bumped into them in the pub that was out side in a woods and we had a talk all three of us, Which wasn't nice for anyone. Then I turned up at my house and nearly got arrested for breaking into my house and horrificly when me and said man got back together (the only nice part of the dream) we ended up in a car crash on the way to a mates wedding. The crash turned out to be a speed boat and we was left bobbing around in the sea. 

Now that is one messed up dream. And what annoys me most about dreams is I thought of it all. It was all there in my brain and I put it all together. My friends looks, the mans blantent honesty at trying to meet someone new to help get over me fucking off to the other side of the world then actually falling for her. But what made it worse is he kissed me and as it was just a dream it wasn't half as perfect. Which sadly makes me realise how easy it is to forget things that once were, to top it off I think he was just speaking my words. Anyone that knows me can clarify I'm emotionally damaged and I cannot commit to anyone with out fear, so the chances are I only think I want him because I'm the otherwise of the frigging world. Irony would be if Iv actually fucked up something wonderful. I guess we'll never know.

Now I'm sat in class trying not to be miserable at some stupid pissing dream that in reality means nothing. Because I know my friends still love me. And what ever happened with me and Rory is done and in reality I am happy for him I don't want him sat waiting for me because as much as I would like to be sometimes I'm just not that selfish! Realisticly the idea of something is always better than the reality and I will stick to my life motto everything happens for a reason!